I Called Three Investigators to My Nephew’s Birthday Party

explaining to me how chain restaurants “really make their money,” said, “Wait. Executive ID? What does that even mean?”

I was still holding a tray of uniced smash-cake cupcakes. Blue frosting on my thumb.

“I run risk and compliance operations for the parent group,” I said. “Twelve states. Internal hiring controls are under my division.”

Dead quiet again.continue reading …